Broken-down car on the side of the road

Feeling a tad discouraged today.  Mama said there'd be days like this...so goes the song.  I'd like to only sorta trust God and just have someone hand me a check for the total amount for the trip so I could just go on existing like I do at times...not trusting...barely breathing...just kinda hanging around like that cobweb or that dusty shelf I keep walking past. That'd be easy...thrilling...just thinking about it excites me.  All the other non-fundraising type of things I could be doing.  Taking up a new hobby or language...getting all my debts paid off over night would be great too.  How glorious.  If all my debts were paid off where would I be today?  Somewhere sitting in a garbage dump with kids maybe...or at an orphange....a cottage on a lake with gobbs of kids just playing and being silly.  If I was 60+ lbs lighter today what would I be doing?  FREEEEEE.  Laughing and skipping....maybe even taking up running...ew...maybe not.  There's a lot of things God desires for me...and sometimes I think that I'm just this broken-down car on the side of the road just rusting away at life.  Oh God I know you have more...kick me in the tail and Holy Spirit move ME in ways only you can.